I won't let go
by ACCRK
Summary: She can't let go... she won't let go. One shot of Carla Connor and how she hasn't coped


_A one shot of a different take from an original CS scene. Please review._

* * *

Her anger evident in her eyes as they glared at him, dagger like. Her brows furrowed, and her full, plump lips pouted. She breathed in a deep breath through her mouth, breathed out a deep breath through her nose to further emphasize on her annoyance and anger. _"Can we not do this here?"_ she managed through gritted teeth, as she walked away from the situation, not wanting to do this now.

He walked behind her, upping his pace so he would not face the door of the office slamming in his face. "_Why? Am I embarrassing you?"_ he challenged, as he shut the door tightly behind him.

_"Fine. You wanna do this now do you?"_ her bitterness and cockiness strong, her defences up and she was now ready to face the challenge. She wasn't backing down if this is how he wanted to play it. Nobody messed with her, nobody told her what to do. Nobody was ever going to be her boss. _"You're right. This isn't working. This. The job. Us. None of it."_ Her eyes glaring even more now, seeming full of hate, although he was convinced they weren't. "_Are you happy now?"_ she concluded

_"Happier than you will ever be"_ he snapped back, a very bitterly said comment, and totally uncharacteristic.

She was taken aback by his bluntness and his change in personality. Never had she seen this side to him before. She swallowed hard. _"How do you work that one out?"_

_"At least I'm not still running after a dead man"_

She froze. Something in her body ached. At that moment, the comment hurt more than any physical damage could have caused. Rage and upset rushed her body as she tried to keep a cool head. He had caused her upset and this was instantly evident in her facial expressions.

She broke down. Her back to the wall, her body collapsed so lifelessly to the floor of the office. She buried her head between her bent legs. Her back pulsed so drastically as she sobbed her heart out. Struggling for breath her sobbing was so severe, she dug her fingernails into her left arm. Pressing harder, digging them in, maximising the pain, she drew blood.

Upon seeing this, the bloke panicked. What was he witnessing. Who was this fragile woman he stood staring at. Where had the confident, sexy, over powering woman disappeared to? He slowly walked toward her, and placed his giant, gentle hand on her back. He soothed her back as he drew imaginary shapes on it, hoping to calm her down. None of them said a word for a while. He allowed silence to begin the healing process.

* * *

"_Carla, do you want to talk about this? I am so sorry"_ he initiated, guilt coursing through his body. _"I never realised how sensitive you were. Please talk to me?"_

She lifted her head slowly, her face damp from tears and her eyes red and puffy, and the surrounding black from the smudged mascara. _"I just can't let go"_ she admitted, naively. She brushed away her tears with the sleeve of her black blouse.

There was a sudden silence. Time for her to think. Time for her to say something if she wanted.

_"I've tried and I've tried, Trev… but I just can't do it"_ she said through sobs and heavy breaths. She put her hand on her heart, as if she was holding **him** there. _"I still love him"_ her eyes now full to the brim with tears. _"I do. I still love him"_ she breathed so deeply. Having wanted to admit this for so long and not being able to, she felt a sigh of relief, a weight lift off her shoulders as she shared her true feeling for the first time.

He just let her talk. He felt upset that he couldn't be the man she wanted him to be, but this wasn't about him. He needed to put her first today. She needed him now more than ever.

_"It doesn't matter where I go, what I do…"_ she looked up deep into the friendly man's eyes _"…who I'm with"_ she added guiltily, _"I just… I just can't"_

He tucked the strands of her jet black hair away from her face, and rubbed his thumbs on her cheeks, brushing away the falling tears. More tears fell.

_"I'm sorry, Trev. I really am. He was the love of my life. We spent so much time playing games, wanting to be together, messing each other about. If only we just did what we really wanted, then he'd still be here now"_ her heart ached now. She ached all over. Her hand still holding her chest, she looked up, as if talking to HIM. "All the dramas, all the lies, it just wasn't worth it" He rubbed her back once more, soothing the pain. "_If it's one thing I have learned, it's that life's too short. I'm sorry I ever dragged you into this mess…"_ she began, as she looked deep into his eyes. She was genuinely sorry, and he could see this.

He finally spoke. "_I wish things could have been different, and I realise we are no more, but Carla, you have to let go"_ he stated. "_You've got to learn to let go, love"_

_"How can I? Eh? How can I let go of something that's a part of me? Have you got a manual because I sure as hell would like to read it"_

He shook his head. What could he say? How could he console her when he had no idea how she really felt?

_"You know, the pain is that bad, I sometimes think, would it really be that bad if I died too? That would hurt so much less than the pain I'm feeling now"_ she let out a soft sob once more, her hands shaking as she revealed her true feelings, her pure undying love.

_"I can't let go. I **won't** let go"_ Trevor knew that she wasn't talking to him with that comment. She was trying to reach out to the love of her life, he couldn't help feeling sorry for her.

Silence fell upon them once more.

* * *

In a quick moment, documents from the desk flew in the air and landed on the factory floor, not far from where she was situated.

This shocked her. It shocked him.

She looked up once more. _"Liam?"_ she questioned. She felt a warm rush inside her, a totally unfamiliar feeling. Trevor looked on at her, unsure of the situation.

A voice soft, but clear in her head, almost like a whisper. _"and I won't let go either"_

She had waited so long to hear his voice again.


End file.
